SUSIE OSLER READS FLEUR ADCOCK
For Poetry Month, ceramic artist and steward of the land Susie Osler offers this poem by New Zealand poet Fleur Adcock.
WEATHERING
SUSIE OSLER writes:
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| Fleur Adcock by Caroline Forbes/British Council |
Fleur Adcock
Literally thin-skinned, I suppose, my face
catches the wind off the snow-line and flushes
with a flush that will never wholly settle. Well:
that was a metropolitan vanity,
wanting to look young for ever, to pass.
with a flush that will never wholly settle. Well:
that was a metropolitan vanity,
wanting to look young for ever, to pass.
I was never a pre-Raphaelite beauty
nor anything but pretty enough to satisfy
men who need to be seen with passable women.
But now that I am in love with a place
which doesn’t care how I look, or if I’m happy,
men who need to be seen with passable women.
But now that I am in love with a place
which doesn’t care how I look, or if I’m happy,
happy is how I look, and that’s all.
My hair will grow grey in any case,
my nails chip and flake, my waist thicken,
and the years work all their usual changes.
If my face is to be weather-beaten as well
my nails chip and flake, my waist thicken,
and the years work all their usual changes.
If my face is to be weather-beaten as well
that’s little enough lost, a fair bargain
for a year among the lakes and fells, when simply
to look out of my window at the high pass
makes me indifferent to mirrors and to what
my soul may wear over its new complexion.
to look out of my window at the high pass
makes me indifferent to mirrors and to what
my soul may wear over its new complexion.
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SUSIE OSLER writes:
From what I understand, this poem by Fleur Adcock is
autobiographical. It’s an unapologetic affirmation made by a woman (Adcock
presumably) who has seemingly wrestled with feeling (in)adequately pleasing in
the eyes of men for most of her years and who now finds herself finally at
ease, fully grounded, and happy in the company of the land. To this
I say….‘Hallelujah!’ In this mildly irreverent 'fuck you!’ to the
‘civilized’ world, an outworn cloak of judgement, vanity, and romantic
relationship has been ditched in exchange for the (unconditional) acceptance
and intimate relationship that she develops with the wild lands she inhabits,
and indeed also with herself.
Can’t we all use a dose of this?
At the age of 51, I find myself grappling with the
challenges of being an aging woman in contemporary society. In times
where beauty and value oft seem measured by a woman’s ability to stave off the
thickening waist, the chipped nails and the wrinkling evidence of a life….well….lived,
I may have failed to measure up. But I also know in my bones the
sense of wholeness, depth and ease that arises in solitude and in the company
of wildness. It is potent and powerful. Wandering in the bush where I've
been fortunate to live for 16 years - especially in winter - the line between
self and the land softens. The shackles of time and judgement (be they
self or socially imposed) slough off….wither away.
And happy is how I feel!
As I become aware of more and more people who are opting for
collegen, botox, plastic surgery and other age-defying treatments, I have begun
to wonder what we are are setting future generations of women up for (and now
men as well). Has it become unacceptable to age? To look like who
we are and the age we are? For our bodies to ‘weather’ over
time like a beautiful tree, or mountain, or a flower passing its 'prime'? Do
our elder years have nothing to offer us but losses? What happened to
wisdom? Of becoming comfortable in our aging skins?
I can’t yet say I’ve become 'indifferent to mirrors’, but I
am learning, ever so slowly, to begin embracing my changing, weathered
complexion!
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| Susie's Creation Story |